When I can't get to sleep, I often times play these fantastic scenarios in my head. They're like dreams, though I'm conscious and controlling the scenario, but I'm not quite fully awake either. Last night, like many other nights, it was winning a book contest. Except this time, Verse Press and Fence Books both wanted my book and I had to decided between the two. To make it somehow more believable, realistic (relatively, of couse) and more believable and realistic is more fun in this case I think, Fence did not choose me as a winner, but wanted to publish my book outside the prize, so unfortunately, I would not be receiving the $1000 from them. So, the obvious choice, everthing else being perhaps pretty equal, I had to go with Verse, this being my own common sense, deep attraction for Verse Press, and the advice of A, who, despite being very proud, would rather not say no to an offer of $1000 which could help us take a step out of the small debt that my pursuit of these contests has caused--oh the irony of this pre-sleep scenario! And I can't imagine how difficult it would be to say "no" to Fence--I suppose as fun as it would be to say "yes" to Verse.
Anyway, I think all this obsession over getting this thing published lately means it is due time to get this thing published. I hope something out there pans out soon. It is just so difficult to move on with the next project when one is still lingering, not officially complete until publication perhaps, and thus still begging for attention and revision. I've tried writing other poems, but they are not their own. They want to be in The Man Suit. I need closure. I need to be doing other things right now instead of blogging.