Friday, July 22, 2005

When I can't get to sleep, I often times play these fantastic scenarios in my head. They're like dreams, though I'm conscious and controlling the scenario, but I'm not quite fully awake either. Last night, like many other nights, it was winning a book contest. Except this time, Verse Press and Fence Books both wanted my book and I had to decided between the two. To make it somehow more believable, realistic (relatively, of couse) and more believable and realistic is more fun in this case I think, Fence did not choose me as a winner, but wanted to publish my book outside the prize, so unfortunately, I would not be receiving the $1000 from them. So, the obvious choice, everthing else being perhaps pretty equal, I had to go with Verse, this being my own common sense, deep attraction for Verse Press, and the advice of A, who, despite being very proud, would rather not say no to an offer of $1000 which could help us take a step out of the small debt that my pursuit of these contests has caused--oh the irony of this pre-sleep scenario! And I can't imagine how difficult it would be to say "no" to Fence--I suppose as fun as it would be to say "yes" to Verse.

Anyway, I think all this obsession over getting this thing published lately means it is due time to get this thing published. I hope something out there pans out soon. It is just so difficult to move on with the next project when one is still lingering, not officially complete until publication perhaps, and thus still begging for attention and revision. I've tried writing other poems, but they are not their own. They want to be in The Man Suit. I need closure. I need to be doing other things right now instead of blogging.

5 comments:

Pirooz M. Kalayeh said...

I hear you and feel you. It has been tough for me as well. I wrote 3 novels last year. I got an agent, and thing looked like they would move so quickly. It is a slow process though. One consolation was from a friend who said, "When you're impatient about something, it means you don't want it to happen."

I don't know if this is true or an absolute, but in retrospect to the amount of impatience I had while courting major publishers to today, I can definitely say I am less impatient. Now the 1st the novel is being published through Wayward Couch as part of their serial magazine, and I'm hoping this will lead to publication with a reputable publisher.

There isn't much else I can do besides continue writing and creating. I feel like holding this thing too hard is a dangerous thing for me. It's like this poster m dad got me when I was little. It was of this little fawn running through a field - underneath was written, "If you love something, let it go. If it loves you, it will return."

I wonder if this is the perspective to have once you put yourself out into the world and are in the waiting game. I don't know. I am pretty clueless so far. Maybe, being clueless is even the better angle. Then, at least, I get back into the driving seat with putting out work for myself and the world.

What do you think?

JWG said...

There is a need for the project to be complete. I haven’t come to that yet (with this series), so I can only imagine. Something I have noticed though is the more I submit (to magazines), the more I write. Seems the fear of being without a poem to send out keeps me moving. When I am not submitting, likewise, I am not writing as much either.

This first book thing is really a drag. Seems that there is so much more pressure to get published by a “good” publisher, to win a prize. Seems like after you do that, you get a bit of a name and can publish where you want, with a smaller, more personal press. Not that I know.

Laura Carter said...

If you publish your whole manuscript to a blog set up for that purpose, I'll do the same, one day.

Craig Morgan Teicher said...

I have always had this notion that whatever I expect/hope/anticipate will happen, won't happen. By that I mean that life, when is makes something happen, always comes by surprise. I try to apply that thinking to my po-biz shit, but it's hard. One has to DO so many things for po-biz--motivate oneself to send out poems, manuscripts. Anyway, I understand that impatience and frustration too--you feel like you're ready to find the next thing, whatever it might be, and this other abstract thing, the prospect of publication, is in the way. Any, yeah, everything wants to find its way into the manuscript...I don't know. I look forward to reading The Man Suit when it comes out.

Anonymous said...

your work is pretty typical fence verse stuff so your in good reach of them publishing ya.